This week has been Mental Health Awareness Week and I have certainly been aware of my mental health this week.
I woke up on Tuesday, after a great weekend and no problems on Monday, struggling to get out of bed. My head and body was heavy and my brain was cloudy. I eventually forced myself up (because I can't bring myself to ring in work sick for a bad brain day) and I went to work. I was empty and heavy all day. I had a little cry on my break and tried to tell myself it's a bad day and tomorrow will be okay.
Tomorrow wasn't okay. Neither was the day after and so far neither is today.
This is the worst I have been for months and although I know that there doesn't have to be a reason, it makes me angry when it shows up without reason.
I'm angry and annoyed because I was recently thinking about dropping my dosage again to start coming off my medication. I'm angry because this has deflated me and made me think I'm not ready. It's made me think that I'm not doing as good as I thought I was. I'm just angry at my brain for doing this to me.
But I have been honest and told people that I'm struggling at the moment. And I'm lucky that I know such good people.
It's been worse and I got through it. So I got this too.
Hopefully the clouds blow away over the weekend.